I read this (part II)

... continued from here.

So, like I was saying. Sookie Stackhouse! Good christ. These books are to literature what Pop Rocks are to dental hygiene. I actually tried reading these a couple of years ago (pre-Anita Blake, you know) and I got through one chapter before throwing the book in disgust. So that shows you that my tolerance for terrible writing has absolutely skyrocketed in my post-LKH world of shattered dreams and disillusionment. Oh, and sorry, Connie, for throwing your book that one time.

If you are like me and watch/ed True Blood before reading the books, then apparently you are a sane person and will be OK with the absurd amount of license Alan Ball takes with both the characters and the story. If you read the books first, you apparently hate True Blood and want Alan Ball to die in a fire. I mean, I get it – people always like the book more. It’s just a thing. You feel all warm and snuggly with these fake people who live in your head, and get all jacked up when someone goes and interprets them differently (WRONGLY) than you did. That’s cool, bro. No judgment.

BUT. I have to take a teeny moment to defend Mr. Ball, here. These fucking books are awful, you guys. It’s not like taking a piss on the Mona Lisa, OK? It’s a dude taking some rough source material, putting it in a Dior dress and sending it to fashion week. Or something. I apologize for the surplus of hazardously misshapen metaphors that are flying around here (idkwtf). Really, he’s just doing his thing. And while I think this past season was a clusterfuck of proportions like I don’t even know, it was STILL better than the last five books of the series all smooshed together. Because while the first 2/3 of the series is not exactly brain food, the last 1/3 is basically Charlaine Harris going to her fans HEY GUYS! WHAT’S UP! GO FUCK YOURSELVES, HOW BOUT IT! YEAH! YOU’RE A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES AND PS I KILLED YOUR GRANDPARENTS WHILE YOU WERE AT THE 7-11 GETTING A TAQUITO! HAHA! I’M AWESOME.

I was going to talk about how the show and the book series are different, but I started and? It would take me days. DAYS. They are different. Very, very different. Lafayette is dead by the second chapter of Book 2, for example. Jason turns into a halfass werepanther. Arlene joins the Fellowship Of The Sun – Jason does not. Arlene does not have Rene’s devil-possessed baby. Sookie kills Lorena. There is no Jessica. The Nevada king forcefully takes over LA and kills Sophie-Anne Leclerq, not Bill Compton (who is like whiny, and a big computer nerd). Tara is married, and has babies. And is white. Pam is British! And wears twin sets! SO MUCH ETC.

Anyway, should you read them?

Um? You know. Go ahead, if you want. They’re not good by any stroke of the imagination, but they’re fun, and quick. The series does go to shit around Book 8, but not in any shake-your-fist-and-cry-foul way. I mean, I was never invested enough to feel betrayed. I just sort of looked at it like “Oh … that was a pretty fucked up thing to do, author. You must not have much integrity. Oh wait. You wrote the Sookie Stackhouse books. Right. No worries. Moving along!”

Emergence by David R. Palmer

I love that a book published when I was one year old is both still available at the library and is also still awesome. It’s written almost entirely in shorthand (not the squiggles-and-dots kind, just the culling-of-extraneous-words kind) which I admit, would have put me off if I had know about it prior to borrowing, but it was surprisingly easy to adjust to.

Encapsulate This

Unspecified future date, USA, blah blah blah. Candidia Smith-Foster (otherwise known as Candy, I seriously had to look up candida because, gross, who would name their kid that? I was relieved to discover I had the word wrong) is a survivor of a bio-nuclear war. She’s mentally and physically precocious (certifiable genius and at least 5^th degree black belt in karate), supremely motivated and focused and is also only eleven years old. She sets off across the country to find other survivors and discovers more than just people.

Ruminate on That

I said that this is written is shorthand (also in first person) and that was weird for like 6 minutes. Then I got over it. Sometimes Candy comes off just a little too precious, but she is an occasionally funny, mightily observant, pragmatic, and over-all sympathetic narrator.  She definitely makes a few mistakes, but she’s only eleven, and is still figuring out who she is on top of trying to cope with the world ending. What I like best about her is her incredibly progressive approach to life especially regarding sex and non-standard personal relationships (In a polyamorous marriage? Candy’s got no problem with you). It is a little uncomfortable to read about an eleven year old making these particular sexual decisions, but it is better that she consider them and come to her own rational conclusion than to put it off and be stuck in a bad situation.

Emergence was originally published as a serial in a Sci-fi magazine and was collected for publication in 1984. Despite its age, it doesn’t really feel dated, with cassette tapes and NASA being a couple of glaring exceptions (it is SO SAD that NASA is dated, seriously, it makes me a little teary). However, I’m in no way a technical person and a lot of the jargon flew right over my head so maybe it just doesn’t feel dated to a layman. You STEM types are probably SOL.

Final Reckoning

Should you read this? Yes, do. Yeah yeah, post-apocalyptic, been done, blah blah. But it’s good and interesting and fun and goes to some unexpected places. There were at least 2 times I was all like “WHA? What just happened?” but in a good way. The end was just a little orly? but still, lots of fun.

Emergence by David R. Palmer

I read this [...summerish? 2011]

I know I owe you an Anita Blake recap. Blue Moon, I think. If memory serves, it's full of rape and torture, which ... pleasant! And it takes place in some dumb state that shouldn't exist but does ... Tennessee, maybe? Oh, and there are demons. Rapey, murderous demons. Whatever. The book sucked, because they all sucked, and if you don't know that by now, god help you.

While you're waiting for me to get to that -- with bated breath, amirite? -- here is what I've managed to plow through in the 12 minutes of down time I've had since July. Or, as I am referring to my life now, PAS (post-Atlas-Shrugged).

The Complete Works Of HP Lovecraft - self-explanatory? You either like that shit or you don't. I needed a refresher, and that mofo is $0.99 for Kindle. How do you not buy that? It is full of gibbous moons and fish people and insanity and words with way too many consonants. In other words, everything cool. This will especially speak to you if you are a 15 year old goth. Are there even teenage goths anymore? Is that still a thing? Fuck, I'm old.

The Hungers Games series  [Suzanne Collins]

•  The Hunger Games - Jae already reviewed this. IT IS AMAZING. Seriously, go fucking buy this book right now. If you are poor and have a kindle, email us for gods sake, we will totally loan it to you.
•  Catching Fire (Book 2) - If you read the first one, you will, no duh, have to read the sequel. This is very much an in-between book. Like Pirates Of The Caribbean 2? It would probably make no sense out of context. But it's good - the characters get developed, and while the first one is STORY STORY STORY this one gives you time and room to actually form attachments and opinions to these crazy fucking kids.
•  The Mockingjay (Book 3) - This one is full of WTF. And bombs. It is full of WTF and bombs. I basically hated the heroine halfway through this, and sort of stuck with the opinion. It was a good hate, though! I didn't want to stop reading about her, I just wanted to kill her with knives while doing it. This sentiment is probably all me. I guess she's likable? And her actions/decisions make sense? But fuck her, seriously. I think I just hate teenagers and all the stupid teenage shit they do. ALSO, as I told Jae: the hero [one of them] is named Peeta, and I seriously couldn't read his name without thinking of some Brooklyn mafioso "yo dis is Petah" Type O Negative thing, and I giggled the whole time. 

The Southern Vampire Mysteries  [Charlaine Harris]

Oh my god, you guys. This is Anita Blake Lite. Like, I'm not consumed by skull-crushing rage reading these, but I feel almost as filthy and definitely as dumb. Also, I've been watching True Blood since it started, so I have a definitely soft spot for all of these ridiculously attractive characters. 

To be continued! Here is a picture of Alex Skarsgard to hold you over.

Read PART II 

The Kate Daniels Series by Ilona Andrews, Books 1-5

Hey, another five-in-one, it’s almost like I’m not neglecting to post at all.

In an (ultimately destined to fail) attempt to read fewer romance novels, I started reading the Kate Daniels Urban Fantasy series. I borrowed the first 2 from the library because I’ve been burned by UF before (ahem, The Hollows/Rachel Morgan and obvs Anita Blake) and didn’t want to waste my money.

Encapsulate This

Set in Atlanta (sometime in the unspecified future), magic and technology co-exist uneasily. At any given moment, one or the other takes precedence and you could find your car stopping in the middle of street during a magic wave, or your wards failing during a tech wave. Tall buildings tend to fall down, and horse-back is probably the most dependable way to travel. Vampires, were-animals, fabled heroes, and various other not-so-mythological and fantastic creatures walk the streets.

Magic Bites: Kate Daniels lives near-ish to the city, she’s got an awesome sword and a bad attitude. Her former guardian has been murdered and she is out for justice (revenge really, it’s always revenge) and to find the killer, she has to cooperate with the Masters of the Dead (necromancers) and with the Pack (the various weres). Kate’s a sometime-mercenary, an all-the-time loner, and has a secret she must keep hidden at all costs.

Magic Burns: Someone is stealing from the Pack and they have requested Kate’s assistance with finding the thief. If that wasn’t enough, the magic waves have been coming closer together and will culminate in what is known as a flare. At the height of a flare, gods can walk the earth. If Kate can’t figure who out how to stop them from manifesting, shit will get real.

Magic Strikes: When Kate’s friend from the Pack gets himself nearly killed, she has to finagle her way into the Midnight Games (hey, an underground death match!) to find out who done it. What she discovers is a plot that could change the Pack FOREVER (doom doom doom).

Magic Bleeds: Someone is killing some other people, and Kate is called in to figure out who/why/how (they know where). Turns out that her secret is coming to bite her in the ass but it may also be the only reason she will survive the encounter with a deadly member of her own family…

Magic Slays: Kate is now running her own show and she hops on her first paying gig. The vampires are escaping the control of the necromancers and the Masters of the Dead want to know why. There is way more at stake than anyone realizes (hah, I made a pun) and Kate must stop a nefarious plot before it’s too late.  

Ruminate on That

When I first finished Magic Bites, I wasn’t totally enthralled but I was certainly intrigued. I thought the book was well written, had a pretty original take on magic in the modern world, some solid world-building, and had an independent, sword-carrying lady-protagonist that was like-able but not love-able. Kate’s smart but fallible, really good at what she does but not perfect, and she is terrible at personal relationships. She does sometimes take her independence to the point of idiocy, but that’s fine, she has a sword (I will forgive a lot of things if there are swords involved). Anyway, I liked it enough to nab the second book and Magic Burns builds on all the promise of the first book. While the story line is a bit confusing, it is more interesting because it reveals more about Kate’s history and the world-building just keeps on getting better. I liked book 2 so much that I immediately purchased books 3, 4, and 5 for my Kindle so I wouldn’t have to wait for the library copies (seriously library, one copy of each?). GUESS WHAT? I was not disappointed. Magic Strikes is AWESOME. I will go so far as to say it is the best of the series. Magic Bleeds and Magic Slays are pretty wicked but there is a bit more focus on romance and less on the total bad-assery that is Kate Daniels. The romance doesn’t overtake the story and I happen to like romance (no doy) but I thought that the tension between Kate and Mystery Man (totally not a mystery if you read the books, go read them) in book 3 was perfect. Also, underground DEATH MATCH. Also, also, Kate loves The Princess Bride (the book not the movie, since television doesn’t really work) which makes her a winner. Also, also, also Kate is (occasionally) hysterically funny, I cannot tell you how many weird looks I got from the boyfriend because I was laughing alone in the dark (not actually in the dark, else how would I be reading?) (Okay, no more also’s, I promise.)

I think that the series, which is awesome in many, many ways, has most of its strength in Kate’s character growth. She goes from “Meh, she’s aight” to “Whoa, that is one awesome lady*” without her becoming so perfect that I want to gag.

*(Unlike Anita Blake who became magic just because, Kate’s been training her whole life both with a sword and with magic. She is a special snowflake, but there are actual reasons for it. Also (hah, I lied), Kate’s extra-super-special-ness provides the focus and the final conclusion for the series. A lot of UF tends not to have an end-point and the stories are about whatever so they go on FOREVER and lose any cohesion they might have begun with (much like this sentence…). I don’t particularly care if it takes 10 books to get to the conclusion, I just want there to be a purpose (I do love a Great Quest). What I don’t want is to watch a character meander around doing whatever until the author gets bored or the series stops making money.)

Final Reckoning

Should you read these? HELL to the YES. Grab a snuggy and settle in for the weekend. The series gets better and better (despite what I said about book 3, that one was just my personal favorite).  I would hazard that there are at least 2 more books to come (the website lists that book 6 is in progress) but it’ll probably be awhile since the author/s have another series being released more-or-less concurrently. 

I read this (July 2011)

I managed to find time to read a ton of romance novels last month. I was pissed about my Kindle breaking and for me, when I’m in a funk, a romance novel is the perfect pick-me-up. If the book is well written and there is a believable connection between the main protagonists, I’m a happy camper. I like the ones with a little tension, but the fluffy ones are great too. (I won’t necessarily remember a romance that is merely fluffy but I love the hell out of them while I’m reading them.)

Romance

The Princess in His Bed by Lila DiPasqua (Fiery Tales, Book 1): A collection of 3 short stories loosely based on classic folktales. Not bad, not great, these are more erotic than romantic. It’s a quick read, so if you have an hour to spare, sure.

The Dom’s Dungeon by Cherise Sinclair: Holy shit. This one is BDSM erotic romance, with lots and lots (and lots) of hot, kinky sex. There is an actual story, with relatable characters, and it is pretty well written. I’ve read just about everything Ms. Sinclair has written and loved all of it. Read this if you like graphic, kinky romance.

The Doms of Dark Haven by Cherise Sinclair, Belinda McBride and Sierra Cartwright: I borrowed this for the Sinclair story, which was fun. The McBride story was decent, but as it was a shifter romance, it was a little unexpected. I remember being vaguely irritated by the Cartwright story, but that’s it. Don’t bother with this one.

Slave to Sensation by Nalini Singh (Psy-Changeling, Book 1): Paranormal romance, interesting premise, but the execution was bland. I’m waiting for the next book to come in from the library, but mostly because I am trying to figure out why this series is so popular. The 10^th book was just released, so clearly Ms. Singh is doing something right. I say don’t bother, but I am in the minority.

Silk is For Seduction, by Loretta Chase (The Dressmakers, Book 1): I love the shit out of Loretta Chase (see below) and I was super excited for Silk is For Seduction to be released. It was good, but the whole book had such a frenetic tone and the characters seemed so desperate for each other (I don’t know how else to describe it) that I felt kind of uncomfortable? This makes me sad. Read it, why not, but if you are a Loretta Chase fan, I will warn that it isn’t quite to her usual standard.

Lord Perfect, by Loretta Chase (The Carsington Family, Book 3): Yesohyes. I love this book and I re-read it every few months. I love the whole series, actually. Mr. Impossible is my favorite, Last Night’s Scandal is a close second, and Lord Perfect is third. Miss Wonderful and Not Quite a Lady are great, but not-as-great. READ ALL OF THEM ANYWAY.

Ravishing in Red, by Madeline Hunter (The Rarest Blooms, Book 1): Meh, forced marriage, irresistible lust, blah blah blah. I kept putting it down for something else. I just didn’t believe the relationship between the protagonists. I probably won’t bother with the next book. You shouldn’t either.

The Spare by Carolyn Jewel: Actually, I would have said yes, but the ending was something awful. And the paranormal bit was unnecessary. So, no.

Tempt Me at Twilight, Married by Morning, and Love in the Afternoon by Lisa Kleypas (The Hathaways, Books 3, 4, & 5): Yes, no and YES. Tempt Me at Twilight was typical Kleypas, wonderfully readable and sexy. I didn’t like Married by Morning because the characters took such an about-face from the previous books. And I loved Love in the Afternoon because I am a sucker for falling-in-love-by-letter stories.

Devil’s Desire by Laurie McBain: God, no. This was terrible. The writing was execrable, the relationship was unbelievable, and the heroine went from consuming hatred to devastating love in THREE paragraphs. This was her first book and it shows. Wild Bells to the Wild Sky was much better.

Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire: Ehhh, I don’t know. It was decently written but the relationship between the protagonists was borderline abusive, manipulative and co-dependent and it made me uncomfortable. Also, the resolution seemed like a throwaway “Here’s your happily-ever-after, now shut up” and if these were real people, I would bet on divorce in 2 years. But sure, read it. Whatever.

Something Wonderful and Once and Always by Judith McNaught: Re-reads. ‘Nuff said.

Charming the Prince by Teresa Medeiros (Fairy Tales, Book 1): Fun and sweet with just enough emotional tension to keep it from being boring. Why not?

Attachments by Rainbow Rowell: Yes, do. See here for why.

Pieces of Sky by Kaki Warner (The Blood Rose Trilogy, Book 1): I liked it quite a bit but it was a teensy bit too long. Also, there was a caricature villain. I hate those. But the story was nice enough to warrant a read.

Naked in Death by J.D. Robb (In Death, Book 1): Okay, so Nora Roberts/J.D. Robb is absurdly ubiquitous. This series is still going strong (some 38 books later) and I can understand the appeal. It’s fast paced with an appealing lady-protagonist and a sexy dude-protagonist. The writing style is pretty simple and straightforward but I think that’s why it’s so popular. It’s easy to read but complex enough to be interesting.

Fantasy/Urban Fantasy

Heartless by Gail Carriger (The Parasol Protectorate, Book the Fourth): Good grief, these books are just terribly clever and funny. This one isn’t quite as good as Soulless (Book the First) but still a fun read. What I love most is that these books don’t take themselves too seriously. And the steampunk accents make me green with envy. I would very much like to travel by dirigible. Read this, but make sure to read the first 3 books or you will be hopelessly lost.

The Children’s Hospital by Chris Adrian: Fuck you very much. That is all.

The Anvil of the World by Kage Baker: It had a slow start and the pace didn’t really pick up until halfway through the book, but overall it was a fun, funny, engaging read. I will definitely be picking up more by Kage Baker. May not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I think it’s worth reading.

Something Rotten by Jasper Fforde (Thursday Next, Book 4): A more cohesive plot than The Well of Lost Plots but a slightly less fun read. As a whole, another great addition to the Thursday Next series. Read this for sure.

YA Fantasy

Rose Daughter and Beauty by Robin McKinley: Beauty and the Beast is one of my favorite fairy tales (no really, I watch the Disney movie ALL THE TIME.) Both Rose Daughter and Beauty are re-tellings of this story. I enjoyed reading Beauty more because the story arc made more sense and adhered more closely to the traditional style. I liked how in-depth Rose Daughter was but thought it got a little too metaphysical towards the end. Both are worth reading. Just maybe not within 2 weeks of each other?

Hourglass by Myra McEntire (The Hourglass, Book 1): Interesting premise, a likeable teen-lady-protagonist, smooth writing, but honestly, someone should revoke my nerd card, because time travel makes no sense to me. This is a debut novel and is plenty impressive, but ends on an annoying cliffhanger. I like it despite that. So, yes, read it. (This was just released, be prepared for a loooong wait for the sequel.)