So!
I’ve read some books in the past, what … 6 months. Eight months? My laziness
actually extends to the point that I don’t even want to check. But I have read
books, and I will talk about them in a minute, swearsies.
I
am planning on overhauling this extension of a bloated ego … I mean, blog … in the somewhat near future. I
realized at some point during my extended sabbatical from book reviews that I
was on an extended sabbatical from book reviews because I suck at writing them.
When I suck at writing something, I tend to not do it (obv!). And while I still
love the concept of tearing apart Laurell K Hamilton in a public forum (MORE
PEOPLE SHOULD DO THIS), it has been a long enough time since I read those
horrific books that the idea of going back to them and destroying them in
minute detail feels more daunting than enjoyable. Like, who am I punishing
here? Ah yes. Myself. The whole situation is completely sideways. I have already suffered by reading them. The
pleasure I would get from shitting all over them would not outweigh the torture
of having to go through them a second time. You see what I’m saying.
Jae,
however, is really good at book reviews! So she will totally still do that as
much as she wants to. The concept for the new blog is more esoteric than book
reviews. It’s more just another Shit We Dig kind of premise, which is not
original, and I don’t care. My schedule is relentless through the end of March,
so I don’t think I’ll make any real progress on the revamp until after
graduation (WHAT.) But I’m looking forward to messing with it and you know,
just an FYI, the winds of change are blowing, et cetera.
Those
books I read! These are absolutely in no discernible order. Check it:
ReadyPlayer One (Ernest Cline) – I could have sworn Jae already reviewed this, but I
guess not? She definitely told me to read it. And I did, after, whatever, 19
weeks of thinking about it. YOU GUYS. I’m a doucebag. This book is fucking
amazing. Why haven’t you read it yet? Do I need to harangue you for 19 weeks? I
will absolutely do that. It’s about this dude who lives in the future, and shit
is bleak. There’s a total immersion virtual utopia called OASIS (shades of the
metaverse, which I kept thinking, until the metaverse was actually referenced in
the book and I’m like WELL PLAYED, SIR) where said dude spends 90% of his time,
because real life sucks and the planet is dying and he lives in a van (kind of)
not even down by a river. A Steve
Jobs-type dude [the one who invented the OASIS] kicks it and leaves his entire
fortune up for grabs to whomever can solve an elaborate easter egg hunt inside
the OASIS. There are like forty million 80s pop culture references, which you
will enjoy the fuck out of if you have even a tiny shred of nostalgia/love for
the 80s. Honestly, read this book. It is one of the best ones I’ve picked up in
years.
TheNight Circus (Erin Morgenstern) – For once, there is actually a good reason for
a book to be on the best seller lists. Jae already reviewed this. I agree with
all of it. It’s been a long time since a book actively made me wish its reality
was my own. I want to be a reveur so bad. And dude! This book made me so
hungry. The descriptions of food were absolutely RIDIC. I think I’m going to
dedicate a day to actually trying to make some of the things described in this
book. Chocolate mice! Black & white popcorn! Oh god.
11/22/63:A Novel (Steven King) – I picked this up with some serious misgivings. I hated
Under The Dome [which I heard is getting a mini-series, and ugh SHUT UP] and I
felt like this was going to be another 4000 pages of unnecessary brutality and
15 page character portraits for people I don’t give a shit about. However! I
was pleasantly surprised. A dude discovers a time portal in the pantry of a
diner (LIKE YOU DO) and every time he walks through it, it is 11 o’clock in the
morning on September 2, 1958. Every time he walks through, time resets. The
cook who owns the diner has bought and served the same 10lbs of meat like 500
times. Right, I know, WTF. Anyway, the premise of the story is that the dude
(Jake) is going to go through the portal and live in the past, working his way
up to stopping the execution of JFK in 1963. There are the requisite million
nuances of time travel, and the butterfly effect, and all sorts of wacky/weird
shit you get with this classic scifi trope. The book is really, really well
written. The characters are, you know, fine – standard Stephen King “Good
People” and “Bad People.” The pacing is spot on. It’s a pretty hefty book but I
breezed through it in like a week. Definitely check this one out – it’s
probably his best one in at least the past 10 years.
DarkEarth (Jason Halstead) – This is still free for Kindle, so if you want to pick
it up, you should get cracking. This one was? Weird? Kinda? I didn’t really
know what it was about when I started reading it, and it starts off as a sort
of Lifetime movie-ish yarn about a single dad and his teenage daughter living
an uncomplicated life in the Great Lakes area woods. At some point it turns
into a fantasy novel with witches and werewolves and dragons and parallel
universes. I mean, all of those things are fine, but the way they were
introduced was bizarre. The dad basically walks around the whole book going “This
is CRAZY” and you’d think after you’d slain your 8th ogre, maybe you’d
lose the skepticism. It ends really abruptly, but I think there are more books
in the series. I did buy the second one, but never got to reading it. It’s not the
worst thing that’s ever happened to me, and it’s free, so why not, give it a
go.
TheWorld On Blood (Jonathon Nasaw)[reread] – I’ve been compelled to reread this
book twice a year since it came out and a friend gave me a copy in the 6th
floor girls bathroom of Brooklyn Technical High School in 1997. This book manages
to be completely amazing while somehow not having one shred of literary significance.
It’s total trash. It’s absolutely a product of the early 90s. It’s about
vampires who are not like Dracula vampires, just dudes & dudettes whose
bodies process human blood like a drug (think equal parts booze, ecstasy, and
PCP). There are blood orgies like every fourth page. Yes. Amazing.
I
also read: The Big Book Of Death [graphic novel], the Big Book Of The Weird,
Wild West [graphic novel], the first three books in the Dexter series [skip
these, seriously, the show is way better], and probably like five more things
that I can’t remember.
