Screw actual reviews. These are fun.
Summary of The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
(wakes up, is a giant bug) Oh dear. I appear to be a giant bug. I am surprisingly OK with this. Damn, I’m late for work.
HOLY FUCK EW EW MY SON IS A GIANT FUCKING BUG.
JESUS CHRIST KILL IT KILL IT WITH FIRE.
BOSS OF SAMSA:
Um, guys, it’s still Gregor, so chill. I’ll feed him and clean his room.
Cool. Hey I like crawling on the wall. Move the furniture.
NO WHAT THE FUCK DON’T MOVE THE FURNITURE I USED TO BE HUMAN YOU KNOW.
(throws apples, debilitates Gregor, like, somehow?)
Ow, Dad. Seriously. What the fuck.
Hey, we don’t have any money anymore because our breadwinner is now a giant bug. Let’s get jobs.
And bring in gross boarders, too.
(brings in gross boarders)
We are gross! We leave shit everywhere! Hey, crazy sister girl! Play the violin so we can heckle!
You guys are assholes. Here, look at me, I’m a giant bug.
OH MY GOD WHAT THE SHIT GET THE FUCK OUT AND DON’T PAY THESE PEOPLE.
Dude, Gregor, why don’t you just fucking die already? Christ.