The Metamorphosis

Screw actual reviews. These are fun.

Summary of The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

GREGOR SAMSA:

(wakes up, is a giant bug) Oh dear. I appear to be a giant bug. I am surprisingly OK with this. Damn, I’m late for work.

MA SAMSA:

HOLY FUCK EW EW MY SON IS A GIANT FUCKING BUG.

PA SAMSA:

JESUS CHRIST KILL IT KILL IT WITH FIRE.

BOSS OF SAMSA:

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEE.

SISTER SAMSA:

Um, guys, it’s still Gregor, so chill. I’ll feed him and clean his room.

ALL:

Cool.

GREGOR SAMSA:

Cool. Hey I like crawling on the wall. Move the furniture.

SISTER SAMSA:

(moves furniture)

GREGOR SAMSA:

NO WHAT THE FUCK DON’T MOVE THE FURNITURE I USED TO BE HUMAN YOU KNOW.

PA SAMSA:

(throws apples, debilitates Gregor, like, somehow?)

GREGOR SAMSA:

Ow, Dad. Seriously. What the fuck.

PA SAMSA:

Sorry.

MA SAMSA:

Hey, we don’t have any money anymore because our breadwinner is now a giant bug. Let’s get jobs.

ALL:

(gets jobs)

MA SAMSA:

And bring in gross boarders, too.

ALL:

(brings in gross boarders)

GROSS BOARDERS:

We are gross! We leave shit everywhere! Hey, crazy sister girl! Play the violin so we can heckle!

SISTER SAMSA:

(plays violon)

GROSS BOARDERS:

(heckle)

GREGOR SAMSA:

You guys are assholes. Here, look at me, I’m a giant bug.

GROSS BOARDS:

OH MY GOD WHAT THE SHIT GET THE FUCK OUT AND DON’T PAY THESE PEOPLE.

SAMSA FAMILY:

Dude, Gregor, why don’t you just fucking die already? Christ.

GREGOR SAMSA:

(dies)

ALL:

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

THE END.