Friday, April 22, 2011

The Killing Dance [AB:VH Book 6]

I feel like I start out all of these with “no, really, it gets worse” or “this is the beginning of the end” but … seriously, this one is the absolute last of the Hurtling Rapidly Towards The Cliff part of the series. We’re encroaching on Lock Up Your Daughters Along With Your Will To Live territory. With all speed.

I’m sure that didn’t make any sense, but get used to it! Because nothing will going forward. No. Nothing.

The book kicks off with … wait for it … some fucking dude (in case you hadn’t gathered, they all start out with ‘some fucking dude’). Only this dude is not interested in Anita’s zombie raising services, as he too has read the past five books and realizes that mostly that entire premise has been abandoned like a dumpster baby outside of a Paris, Texas senior dance. So, some dude and some dude’s minion talk to Blake about, whatever, finding a cure for vampire cancer or something, and she’s all “Yes, I will help you, because this fucking books needs SOME kind of plot point other than my angsty bullshit relationships and magical vagina”  Rest assured, Some Fucking Dude AND his minion both have stupid names. You don’t even need to know them, because they will both be dead and forgotten by the end of the book, and grossly neglected during the middle bits.

At some point after some other random and inconsequential shit involving vampire pregnancies, Robocop calls Blake to tell her that someone tried to hire him to assassinate her for $500K, which I feel is a reasonable sum of fictional money to end the most repugnant fictional character ever created. But what do I know. Robocop may be immune to the magic of the vagina, but is not immune to the general infatuation of love/euphoria surrounding Blake, so of course he does not take the contract. Stupid Robocop. Naturally this plot point develops immediately, and Blake has a gun fight maybe 30 seconds later with a hitman who clearly sucks at his job.

Then, like, werewolf stuff happens. I don’t know. Whenever I have to try and explain the werewolves, my eyes glaze over. There’s so fucking many of them, and they’re all obnoxious. Richard is still struggling to be SuperWolf of the pack, there are still sadistic and murderous werewolves who continue to do sadistic and murderous things, and it’s all rife with drama and horror. Someone's brother gets raped or tortured or both on camera, because the Evilwolves (E-wolves? Were-vils?) think  wereanimal snuff porn is a lucrative industry (which seems like it's probably a fair assessment) and Blake is all THIS IS WRONG, I WILL TALK ABOUT MY GUNS AT IT. Or, shake her vagina at it, or whatever the fuck she does.

Actually, I just saw this on the Wiki page for this book (if you seriously thought I was re-reading it for the purpose of this recap, you clearly don't know me at all), and it fucking killed me in its perfect simplicity:

The Killing Dance is also a turning point for the series in several other ways:

  •  Anita has accepted being Jean-Claude's "declared human servant" at the beginning of the book.
  •  Anita and Richard form a vampire triumvirate with Jean Claude, accepting the first three "marks". In addition, Jean Claude and Richard announce that they are allies within the supernatural community. Taken together, these changes make it impossible for Anita to completely separate her life from Jean Claude or Richard.
  •  Anita kills the werewolf lupa Raina and the wereleopard leader  Gabriel in self-defense, resolving some unsettled conflicts from The Lunatic Cafe.
  •  Richard becomes the Ulfric, or leader, of his pack.
  •  Anita and Jean-Claude become lovers.
  •  Richard eats Marcus

Um, YES. All of that happens. It is the last bit, the eating of Marcus, that really eeks Anita out and sends her into the undead arms of JC, and they fuck like bunnies in a bathtub* which surprisingly is the first appearance of actual fucking in the series. I hope you enjoy it, because that is all you will have for next thirteen books. That's right. Thirteen ** books about supernatural fucking. You read it here.

To clarify (...ahahahaha), Raina & Gabriel are the evil sadists who rape/torture/maim/kill for giggles, so of course Anita had to righteously gun them down. But of course you have not heard the last of Raina, who decides to, like, live forever in Anita's head or something, because Anita is MAGICAL IN CASE YOU HADN'T GOTTEN THAT YET, OK.

Oh also, this is where Richard decides he hates everything and everyone, including himself, and is all SUPER ANGST. I mean, he was definitely angsty before, but now you kind of just want to punch the closest living thing every time someone even mentions his name.

I'm sorry. This is the best I can do.

If you care, like, really give a shit about this book, the Wiki is very informative and written straight-forwardly. Please. Be my guest.

* fuck like bunnies while in a bathtub, not fuck like bunnies who are in a bathtub

** there is one, somewhere in the middle, that eschews the fucking in favor of ripping off Queen Of The Damned, which ... OK

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