Yes, more zombies [Boneshaker]

Yes, two steampunk/zombie mash-ups in a single week. If I believed in karma, I would say that this is my reward for being generally awesome (I'm specifically awesome too, but no one likes a braggart). More zombies, more pirates, more airships, zero love story.

Set during the early Civil War, Leviticus Blue is commissioned by Russian gold prospectors to build a drill that can punch through the layers of ice in the Klondike. On its test run, the machine called Dr. Blue's Incredible Bone-Shaking Drill Engine, destroys part of downtown Seattle and hits a vein of poisonous gas that turns the people exposed to it into zombies. The people of Seattle escape and eventually wall off the poisoned city, leaving the zombies trapped inside.

Sixteen years later, Briar Wilkes, Leviticus' widow, is living in the Outskirts as a pariah. Her son Ezekiel desperately wants to prove his father innocent of malicious wrong-doing. He sneaks into the walled city to search for proof. When Briar finds out what's he's done, she follows him in. Essentially, that is the whole story. And it's all right there on the back cover.

The world the story is set in sounds like a good time. I wouldn't want to live there, but I wouldn't mind visiting. Cherie Priest is a talented writer but the story needed some development. The pacing was well-set for the most part but sometimes the contrast between RUNNING FROM ZOMBIES and HIDING FROM ZOMBIES made it stutter a bit. Also, the bits from Zeke's POV made me feel a little stabby. Briar was a way more sympathetic character. And even though the story felt steampunk, a lot of the extras that would make it more authentic were relegated to window dressing. Yeah, we have some funny weapons, and the Boneshaker certainly counts, but it was more like eating a steampunk cookie when I wanted a meal. But I sure do the love shambling dead.

It sounds like I hate this book. I don't. I like it a lot, but if it didn't take itself so seriously, I would probably like it more. But I may be giving it more points than it deserves because, really it sounds like it should BE SO AWESOME. This may also be why I can't snark on it. Read it, but don't read it excitedly.

Boneshaker by Cherie Priest, The Clockwork Century, Book 1

Zombies, pirates, and bears, oh my [The Iron Duke]

Sorry, no bears, but there are zombies and pirates. And nano-technology. And it's in a steampunk setting. I'm in love.

Set in an alternate-history England, the Horde had attacked England using nano-technology. The nano-agents were hidden in sugar and tea. Once activated, the Horde used the nano-agents to override the will of whomever had ingested them, basically making people into RC cars. The Horde ruled over England for two hundred years until their RC tower was destroyed by pirate Rhys Trahaearn. Rhys was granted a dukedom for saving the country.

Wilhelmina (Mina) Wentworth is a police inspector. She is called upon to investigate a body found at the home of Rhys, known as the Iron Duke (no, REALLY known as the Iron Duke, he's referred to as such at least once a page). Upon arrival at the house, she inspects the body, meets the duke (who is all WHOA I MUST MAKE YOU MINE), decides that Rhys wasn't involved in the murder, and goes on her merry inspecting way. Also, Mina happens to be half-Horde and is publicly scorned by EVERYONE on account of her being a half-breed. Mina investigates the murder, Rhys finagles his way into the investigation and makes repeated attempts to get into Mina's pants, Mina rebuffs him, there is a kidnapping, some zombies, another murder, a kraken, a giant conspiracy, some sweet hot loving, and some weird emotional dependency. The End.

I don't want to give away too much of the story and it's really difficult to summarize (there is a LOT of plot going on up in here). But my first reaction when I finished? HOLY SHIT-ON-TOAST this book was fucking awesome. It's got pirates, zombies, nano-technology, airships, bionic EVERYTHING, and a kraken. Meljean Brook, will you marry me? Please?

Once I stopped squeeing and started breathing properly again, I tried to think about this objectively. So, the setting is awesome, the writing is pretty tight, and above all, it's interesting. Mina is a really well drawn character. She had emotions, real motivations, and self-awareness. She didn't just exist for/because of the hero. On the other hand, Rhys, as much as I enjoyed him, was centered almost entirely around Mina. Most of his thought processes revolve around getting Mina in the sack. And most of his motivations are directly related to getting/keeping Mina in the sack. Mina's affection towards Rhys seemed to grow outwards from physical attraction then to admiration then to fondness and THEN to love. But Rhys never seemed to have a thought that didn't include Mina. EVER. I don't really buy the whole "Men think about sex only and always" so Rhys sometimes felt sort of two-dimensional. His back story is really sad and while it did add some depth to his character, he seemed more like a prop for Mina than an individual. My biggest problem was that he was kind of rapey. He was just so goddamn persistent that Mina was going to shtup him and then he actually assaulted her. She had valid reasons for saying no (not that there are invalid ones, NO is plenty reason) and he just steamrolled her. This made me angry at the book and then ANGRY AT ME for enjoying the book. Because rape is really not cool. Even if it is resolved between the characters at some point.

The next biggest problem? The Horde was basically the Yellow Terror with robots. Really, what the fuck? I realize that this was supposed to be a fictional threat, because duh, the Horde had nano-weapons, but? The Yellow Terror was really a thing. And while technically the sentiment behind that propaganda is no longer prevalent, people still kind of feel this way? Like everyone who complains about outsourcing work to China? Or who talk about JUST HOW SMART AND DEDICATED THOSE ASIAN KIDS ARE? Anyway, I get the whole xenophobia thing, but I feel like the purpose the Horde served could have been accomplished by another plot device.

And there were not enough zombies. There are NEVER enough zombies.

Romance is a major part of this story but I don't think it really fits well into Paranormal Romance as a whole. If I had to call it something, I would say it's Science-Romantasy. Hardcore Sci-fi fans or Romance purists need not apply. But I say read it. Read it twice.

The Iron Duke, A Novel of the Iron Seas by Meljean Brook

Books without a point [Circus of the Damned, AB:VH, Book 3]

As usual, the story starts off with Anita at work, interviewing potential zombie-raising clients. (Look! Anita has a job doing stuff! This is a reminder that she is a regular person! Also serves to present a unifying theme!) This time, these clients don't want to raise a zombie, they want Anita to help them kill a vampire. Specifically, the Master of the City (they are not aware that this is Jean-Claude and Anita ever-so-politely declines to tell them). Dudes Jeremy and Karl are part of an anti-vampire group called Humans First that wants to kill all vampires despite the legal protections that vampires now enjoy. Anita tells the dudes to fuck off, she's not interested in helping. Mostly because their plan sucks.

Anita gets called to assist Dolph (his name is Randolf, why does no one call him Randolf? Oh, right, everyone in these books is quasi-German) with a murder investigation. Male victim with multiple vampire bites is found on someone's lawn. Anita identifies that the victim has been bitten by multiple vampires which rules out the possibility of him being turned. Anita doesn't believe that this murder is the work of Jean-Claude (him being such a nice guy and all) but goes to see him to find out if he has any information about the attack. At the Circus of the Damned (it really is a circus, if a circus could be said to smoke massive quantities of crack) she meets a couple of shifters, sees a giant snake, and has a confrontation with a psychotic lady-vampire. Then the giant snake goes berserk and eats a few people. Anita, Jean-Claude, various shifters, some Naked Dude, and Psycho Vampire fight the snake and kill it. Jean-Claude tells Anita that he does not know who killed the Murder Victim but would she please stop fighting against the vampire marks he placed on her against her will and also, get naked for some sexy vampire loving. Anita tells Jean-Claude to please STFU and proceeds to plan a date with Richard (previously known as Naked Dude). Then there is a pointless interlude with Edward "I love to kill things" Nolastname and one with Ronnie "I exist to fill page space" Sims.

Later, another Murder Victim (this time a lady) is found with multiple vampire bites. When Anita firsts shows up at the crime scene, this lady is merely dead. After a little while Anita notices that the lady is now dead AND pretty. She realizes that the first Murder Victim must by now be turning into a vampire. Because, apparently, a powerful enough vampire could turn someone even with bites from many vampires. Anita remembers reading this in an article, but neglected to mention it at the first crime scene (where she assured everyone that the victim was really really dead). There is another pointless interlude at the morgue where the NOW-NOT-DEAD dead man has been sent. There is much mayhem and carnage.

At Anita's behest, a new animator is hired by Animators, Inc. ( the zombie-raising firm Anita works for). New guy Larry is sent out by himself to do some zombie raising. Anita meets him at his 3rd job, where he has over-extended himself and proceeds to save his ass. She gives him a TOUGH-LOVE talk. As they are leaving the job site, Anita and Larry are attacked by Humans First. Then they are attacked by a group of vampires. Then they are saved by Karl(of Humans First). It turns out that the vampires who attacked are the rogue vampires who have been biting people a lot and the master of this group, Alejandro, wants to be Master of the City of St. Louis. He has placed the first vampire mark on Anita in an effort to weaken Jean-Claude's power. AND THEN it turns out that Karl is the human servant of Mr. Oliver who also wants to be MotC. And Mr. Oliver is a million years old. Literally. And he has a pet Snake-Lady who is also immortal. Mr. Oliver offers to free Anita of all of her vampire marks if she tells him who the current MotC is. She tells him she'll think about it.

Snake-Lady later comes to Anita and tells her Mr. Oliver wants to see her and gives her a ride to some cave in the middle of nowhere. Melanie (Snake-Lady's name, wtf) then tries to kill Anita. She gets bitten by one of Melanie's snake buddies but manages to escape and is picked up by Edward (just in case your brain has not yet turned to mush, this is merely another implausible coincidence in a series of implausible coincidences) in THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE. Now Anita nearly dies from the poison in her bite but is saved by Jean-Claude giving her yet another vampire mark. This makes Anita very angry and she tells Mr. Oliver who Jean-Claude is. Then she finds out that when Mr. Oliver takes over as MotC, he plans on a very public killing spree to force vampires back into hiding. So she calls Jean-Claude to tell him she has betrayed him. Jean-Claude tells her that Mr. Oliver has already challenged him to a duel. Then there is a giant fight at CotD. Alejandro (who is nominally working for Mr. Oliver) forces the last vampire marks on Anita. She uses her extra-special super-sort-of-vampire strength and rips Mr. Olivers spine out through his neck and also stakes Alejandro. Anita and Jean-Claude both survive the epic battle. And then Anita re-schedules her date with Richard. Oh, and Richard is a werewolf. A very sexy werewolf.

Here's something that annoys the piss out of me: each book reads like Anita is telling her story to herself but then WHAM, all of a sudden she's talking to the reader or asking the reader questions. This juxtaposition is both off-putting and obnoxious. But mostly it's obnoxious. Talk to the reader or talk to yourself. PICK ONE.

I have some advice for authors too: continuity is really important. Characters should not be described as having longish hair and then 10 pages later described as having short hair. Unless you have specifically mentioned them getting a haircut. Also, don't make a point of saying that people can be turned into shifters only by the violent attack of a shifter-in-animal-form and then say that they can also be turned by a bad vaccine. Hire an editor. Pointing out shit like that is their JOB. Continuity might not make your story GOOD, but it will make your story better. I PROMISE.

Here's a link. But please remember that I read this so that YOU DON'T HAVE TO. Save your money. Or better yet, use your money to buy me a present.

Circus of the Damned, Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter, Book 3

Yes, yes, YES.

http://www.pommedesang.com/pdsbb/viewtopic.php?t=11456

I've only read halfway down the thread but I already agree with all of.

Back in school, and this quarter promises to be extra brutal, so the reading/writing will be fewer and farther between. Eeeep. Wish me luck!

Appearing to be lazy

I am supposed to be writing a review of AB:VH, Circus of the Damned. I have every intention of doing this but I want to actually re-read it and I need to finish like 4 other books first. I don't know WHY I want to re-read it, but as I've said before, I am clearly a masochist (albeit one suffering without any hope of a big pay-off).

I am nearly finished with Shadowheart, TRIUMPHANT CONCLUSION of the Shadowmarch series by Tad Williams. I will not even make a cursory attempt to review it. After 4 books and 3000 pages, the best I could do is this:

Book 1: Storyline is established

Book 2: Storyline continues

Book 3: Storyline keeps continuing

Book 4: Storyline is concluded, but not totally

As reviews go, that would be wholly unsatisfying. And utterly fucking pointless. Suffice it to say, it is the epitome of Epic Fantasy. Fairies, walking, fighting, magic, swords, crazy monarchs and crazier gods. Plus 1000 pages more than are necessary.

I am reading The Butterfly Revolution by William Butler, which is similar to Lord of the Flies. I'm only a third through it, but it's interesting. I'm not reviewing this one either. It's only 200 pages long, go read it yourself.

I am also reading The Spirit Lens by Carol Berg, but I'm only 50 pages in so maybe this doesn't count.

Plus, I have to start reading The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. I would rather eat my own eyeballs for breakfast.

I'll be back soon-ish.